Selamat Tinggal 3

Akhirnya, benar air mata pun menitis. 

Pun begitu, Ramadhan yang datang sedikit mengubati rasa.

Biar saya berteduh pada kasih Tuhan yang tak pernah putus. Menyedarkan, menyelamatkan dan meneguhkan.

Kali ini, moga saya dikurniakan ketenangan yang berpanjangan. Keikhlasan.

Selamat tinggal.

Selamat Tinggal 2

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Semalam saya menjadi sensitif tiba-tiba ketika berbual dengan ibu. Ibu memang suka provok tetapi saya tahu dia tiada niat selain bergurau. Cuma saat tu saya rasa segala kekuatan yang saya bina dan kesedihan yang saya bendung runtuh tiba-tiba. Maka empangan air mata pun pecah.

Kita akan lebih berterus-terang dengan orang yang kita sayang dan percaya. Begitu halnya saya dengan ibu.

Macam tak percaya, tetapi hari demi hari saya makin menghargai bahawa saya seorang introvert yang ada private space yang luas, sensitif dan sangat observant.

Banyak perkara yang saya lakukan opposite of my character.

...............................

Aku lari lagi
Spontan
Kini aku sedar hatiku berdetak lagi seperti dulu
Tak mungkin akan sama lagi
Aku serahkan takdir pada Ilahi
Tak mungkin aku maju ke hadapan
Aku yakin Allah ingin menjagaku
Yang disukai mungkin tidak baik untuk agamaku
Mungkin aku tak mampu menanggungnya kelak

Aku lari lagi
Spontan

...........................................

Setiap hari saya ingin mengucapkan Selamat Tinggal. Melupakan apa yang terjadi. Sebelum air mata menitis lagi.

Moga saya seteguh dulu untuk menyekanya.

Ketika kaki saya melangkah pergi 10 tahun lalu, kasih Allah yang maha luas mengubati dan memenuhi rasa. Moga kali ini saya sekuat itu.

More than exist rant

My previous on call rant, clearly showed I'm in an emotional instability. Initially, decided to delete it. However, I think the feeling of struggle and perseverance should be appreciated. Especially the instability cause by something big for me. At least, transiently.

Well, let's move on. I have a better life and really can't take to linger around the heart-feeling emotional. I get occupied. Nevertheless, it is actually help me to clearly see what I really want in my life. Who do I want to share it with. I may smile and laugh, but my love, you can't really judge!

I'm going to rant on few things.

I realised.

To be more than exist.This phrase really hit me these days. These days I have sort of insomnia. I've been thinking too much.

To be more than exist. More than just pray and hold your ID as a muslim.

Our vision should be shared. Especially when thinking on starting a family. These days I started to be more frank and open up. Age factor may be. I took things seriously actually since my teenage time. It is already in trait.

To be honest, if I were to start a family, I really hope it is just more than exist. More than a father and a mother fell in love and decided to commit to each other. Why I used the words mother and father instead husband and wife, because for me, family is about building up generations. There are principles to uphold but in the same time, this little institution provide the support, love and all strength that you need in turning your vision into reality.

I wish I could share all of this with my partner and little members in the family. I wish to share the 'more than exist' and received back all the strength that I need.

Well, this is how I define, "more then exist" and "blissful sharing".

ps: Thanks. I hope I can be bold and move forward but it seems that I'm running away. :') It's okey dear self. May be for me, it will work in a different path. To Him I submitted myself. Tawakkal ala Allah.